More ruminations on the ‘R’ word
And, as ever, using my own experience and human frailty as material to help you think.
I had a great chat with my son this week about how best to balance my desire to work and my desire to do what makes me happy in a particular moment – which is sometimes work and sometimes not. Essentially, how to be economically active and intellectually engaged, and yet also enjoy the freedom that I have not previously had.
It became clear that my resistance to being labelled ‘retired’ is sometimes leading me to prioritise things that are more obviously work (such as coaching and all that’s required to generate coaching business) over other things I love (such as research and writing) which are also work but don’t necessarily look like it from the outside - things that are in the service of others, but less directly so and not evidently so at the point at which the work itself happens. Plus things that are not work at all.
The binary distinction between 'working' and 'retired' is so unhelpful and outmoded, and all the rhetoric around the over-55s selfishly causing a national crisis by being ‘economically inactive’ gives it an extra edge these days. I sometimes feel like a sinner for opting out of full-time employment into something more fluid and self-determined (though by no means easier). I want to work for intellectual satisfaction, contribution to the world, and money – but I also know that fear of being counted as ‘economically inactive’ plays its part.
And so I often feel obliged - with some resentment - to prioritise activities that defend my position as ‘not retired’. I might make different decisions if I turned my back on societal assumptions, supposed norms and half-witted political rhetoric.
My son suggested that, rather than being habitually incensed by 'accusations' of being retired, I could own the language and challenge what it means. I could say, ‘Yes, I’m retired, and I coach (for money and for free), I write, I research, I support my children in their work, I explore, and I exercise so I can keep doing all of these things into a long future.’ In short, that I should meet other people’s assumptions head on, and perhaps shift them in the process.
I'm still uncomfortable with the 'R' word, but he's so right: I don’t want to waste my precious time - and the freedom that comes with the stage I've reached and earned - proving a point. As he said, ‘You've worked for 40 years, mostly full time, and raised four children, who’re all economically active. You’re done. Do what makes you happy.'
How great it is to be the client! It’s always easier to see what others are doing than what you’re up to yourself. For that, you need another ear listening attentively, another voice supporting and challenging, to get you beyond the constraints of your own thinking. I was lucky to get this over a good fry-up in a garden centre café, on a weekday, surrounded by people I assumed to be retired 😂
Photo: Manny NB on Unsplash